Oscar Madison was my hero

Once upon a time Oscar Madison was my hero.
He was the character played brilliantly by Walter Matthau in The Odd Couple. The irascible middle-aged bachelor in Neil Simon’s play represented, to me at least, the quintessential sports writer, feckless, playful and somehow competent and successful at his profession.


There’s a famous scene in the movie version during which Felix Ungar calls Oscar in the press box at Shea Stadium and is prattling on about various mundane dinner options for that evening. Oscar can’t shake him off the phone, and while his back is turned, he misses Bill Mazeroski hitting into a triple play!
Neil Simon got it wrong however. Oscar Madison made sports writing look easy, but it’s not. Oscar Madison spends his time smoking cigars and drinking beer, but I spend mine grinding out the hours. Since Monday, for instance, I've spent 45 hours in the office, did a few hours on the laptop on Friday morning, headed off to watch Limerick FC take on Mervue United on Friday night, I’ll do a few more hours on Sunday night and on Saturday I was in Kilmallock to see the local lads take on Cork City in the quarter-finals of the FAI Youths Cup.
I was waiting all week for the Kilmallock game - it’s games like it that keep me doing what I do. If I had to give one reason for my love of sports it would be this: I love tests of the human spirit. I love to see defeated teams refuse to die and I love seeing impossible odds confronted - I have never known such a thoroughly penetrating joy as playing with or watching an inspired team against an opposition recognized from the beginning as having every reason to win.
The Kilmallock youths found themselves in that position today. They faced overwhelming favourites Cork City and they could have won, but a referee intervened. The game was poised at one-all when Cork City’s Robert Waters, who was already booked, threw a punch at Paul Doona. Waters should have received his second yellow card if not a straight red. He got neither and six minutes later Waters struck for Cork City’s second goal. To make matters worse, and to drive everyone present right round the twist, the referee in question then sent off Kilmallock’s Ciaran Todd for his second bookable offence with Cork City eventually winning 3-1.
Now I was desperately hoping that Kilmallock could perform a bit of giant-killing this afternoon, but on the way home, with the elbow out the window, I hit upon a theory that this defeat might stand to the Kilmallock lads.
What would we do for the moral education of young lads like these if we didn’t have sport? Where else would they learn so much about enduring pain and defeat? Where else would they be driven to strive for perfection? They work hard in school, of course, but most just coast through it. Sport is where it’s at, isn’t it?

Brian McDonnell